ashleighs story
Ashleigh's story starts off by me, her mummy falling pregnant when we was on a holiday in malta 2003. I didnt know I was pregnant until I got home 2 weeks later. Me and her daddy were trying for a baby just a few months and were over the moon to see the pregnancy test result. I was so excited and dreamed of a little girl for my first baby. The pregnancy went smoothly. I had my 20 week scan and found out she was a girl! We cried with joy! We went out and bought some pink clothes and went out for a meal and decided on her name. I couldnt wait to be her mummy and do all the mummy and daughter things.
Then tradgedy struck us that would change our lives forever and leave our hearts torn apart. I was 22 weeks into my pregnancy when I started to feel unwell. I had the most awful pain in my chest and the worst headaches you could imagine. So we decided to go to hospital where we were told I had high blood presure but that was cause I felt unwell I was told. The chest pain was heartburn. All I had checked here was my bp and a feel of my tummy. I wasn't referred or asked to see a consultant or anything. This was not the hospital i booked in to have Ashleigh but our local emergency unit the doctors dismissed me and told me to take pain killers and some gaviscon.
I thought they must be right as I didn't know any different as Ashleigh was to be my first baby. Well a week had past and I was much the same. I saw my own gp who basically said the same and sent me home. I felt like I wasnt being treated properly, so I called my midwife. She admitted me to my hospital on 5th December. I had all the routine things done, blood tests, blood presure monitoring, baby monitoring and it was discovered that I had pre eclamsia. My partner had gone home and come back in with a few things for me to stay in over night. It got late so my partner went home. I had a ok day Saturday 6th December. My parents and sister came to see me and we had a giggle I was being looked after pretty well. My partner has got children already and on Saturdays is when we have them over night. I called to tell him what was happening and what I've done in the day as he couldnt come in cause of the kids.
Twenty minutes after making that call was the life changing time. The docors and midwives came to see me and pulled the curtains round me. I knew it wasnt good news. I was being moved over to labour ward for close monitoring as things were happening with my blood and I had 4+ of protein in my urine. My blood wasn't clotting and I was becoming dangerously ill. But nobody knew how ill or what the next 24 hours was going to hold.
My partner was called and my dad while I was being moved over. An emergency scan was orderded. The scan showed Ashleigh had stopped growing and the blood flow to her was poor. All the baby monitoring had stopped. I had seen Ashleigh and listened to her beautiful heartbeat for the last times. We were told Ashleigh was going to die and the doctors planned to induce labour the next day. I felt in another world I prayed so hard for her to be ok and that I was dreaming. Luck wasn't on our side. My partner stayed over with me at the hospital. Sunday morning came and we didnt sleep much. We just held each other and cried a lot. I got up, had a shower and just as I finished getting dressed I had an eclamtic fit and there was just alot of madness happening as they tried to get lines in and do what hey needed to do for me. There must have been at least 20 people in the room with us. My parents were called in the pain that I had was my liver failing and I was getting worse. I was under control with drugs for the next few hours. When our time was up my blood had got that thin that my gums and nose started to bleed, which they couldnt control. Thats when a decision had to be made, either Me and Ashleigh die together or just Ashleigh would fall asleep. It was the hardest thing that my partner and my parents had to decide.
I was rushed to theatre. My partner Allan and my mum and dad was told I might not make it. That I now was critically ill. Ashleigh was born by emergency csection at 19:37 Sunday 7th December. She only took one breath and was the smallest angel to be born. She weighed 345 grams. She spent most of her time with her daddy. My mum couldn't be there, she found it too hard so my sister came. Ashleigh had cuddles with my sister, her auntie, her granddad and her daddy. There was nothing they could do for Ashleigh so she was left just to fall asleep. She fell asleep with in her daddy's arms. She was just 3 hours old.
I spent the next few days in intensive care on a breathing machine. I first met and said goodbye to Ashleigh on the 9th December. She looked just like her daddy with my hair colour. She was tiny but gorgeous and I held her in one hand. I gave her a long cuddle and a big kiss and said goodbye, the saddest day of my life. I didnt want to let go.
I spent another few days in hospital where we arranged her funeral, as we had only a few days before the last services before the christmas breaks. Ashleigh was buried 1 week later.
We were later told that if the pre eclamsia was picked up earlier Ashleigh would of made it. Medical conditions I had were soon gone after Ashleigh was born. I had severe pre eclamsia with hellp syndrome as I needed a blood tranfusion for the blood I'd lost.
Missing you always little one x x
mummy and daddy x x x
night night x
I can't say thank you enough to Allan and family. Allan was a real diamond and held it together for everyone and was my rock. He saved my life. Also I had the most amazing care from Joan Ayers, the best midwife and Mr. Peter Kirwan, consultant. Thank you all so much. You will never be forgotten and will always have a special place in my heart and I know Ashleigh will watch over you all.
 
I'd like to say thank you also for the friends I have. Louise I met almost two years ago, you mean more to me than you'll ever know. You're an amazing listener and you understand me in so many ways. Your little son Thomas will be so proud of you. I'm sure they're together in heaven.
Thank you xx
after the years have passed and time doesnt stand still i still ask the same questions and still get no answers why her and why wasnt my condition picked up before it was to late as ashleigh turns 4 in december i think about all the what ifs and maybe's and wonder what we would be doing together now i miss her most on special days and occasions like mothers day fathers day easter birthdays well everyday
there will always be a part of me that thinks i should of done more i should of pushed the doctors more and i should of held on longer but ashleigh had stopped growing and she was to be my little angel
i love my little girl so much it truly does hurt and i hate going to her sleeping place and turning and walking away from her and leaving her there i hope to meet you again one day baby and have a cuddle once again watch over us always little one
always know my precious ashleigh mummy loves you nad misses you very much
x
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Her legacy
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